sheesh

When I originally started blogging, it was an alternative to the stacks of paper journals that I had lying around my house. Quite frankly, I was running out of places to put them and the pages were falling out of some from being flipped through and reread and contemplated. So, I decided to keep my history here - to later be able to look back on and reflect on my journey and see what I learned and how I have grown.

Lately, I have spent a lot of time reading my archives. From this I have determined a few things about myself:

1) I am too persistent for my own good. I lock myself into ideas and I go for it...to the bitter dying end...and then I still persist until I am forced to stop.
2) I love deeply and am loyal to a fault
3) I have an issue with trusting other people. The people who I sincerely trust are few and far between - but I would trust them with my life. I assume most other people have hidden agendas.
4) I am more vulnerable on paper than I ever allow myself to be in real life. In writing, I can express what is in my heart - things that my mouth would ordinarily not let out.
5) I am very contradictory. My posts tend to be contemplative and contain both sides - my head and my heart - which often conflict with each other. Most of this I write for the sake of being able to reread and see both sides of the coin - to give myself clarity. Most of these things are not intended to communicate my thoughts to others, but rather to myself, and that is why there are plenty of posts that appear vague and/or lacking fine details.
6) I am more emotional than I give myself credit for.
7) I work harder to make other people happy than I do to make myself happy.
8) I really am beautiful on the inside....regardless of the changes in my shell.