Monday, bloody Monday

I'm grumpy. It's not often that I wake up full on grumpy...but I certainly did today. Perhaps because I have cramps and just want to lay in bed. Or perhaps because I know there's a huge deadline looming over me that I have to meet by noon instead of 5 because I have training all afternoon. Or perhaps because Nevin said that it makes him sad when I leave him to go to work every day and I wish that there was some way to get around it and just stay home and play with my little boy and help him through this tough time. *sigh* I'm looking to trade in my life for one that is less complicated, anybody got a spare?

But, seriously, I tried to get in the Christmas spirit. I half ass decorated the tree, and I made some Christmas cookies with Nevin, and I made my Christmas card list...but this year it's just not as fun....it feels obligatory. Like it's something that I have to do to try and put some cheer in Nevin's life when, really, all he wants for Christmas is a visit from his dad. And, of course, dad has promised it to him....but who knows if he's really coming.

Perhaps it just makes me a little extra sad this year that the man I trusted with my life and our son has turned out to be the most unreliable person I know....and now Nevin has to suffer the consequences...consequences that he most certainly didn't earn through any wrong doing on his part.

Is it 2005 yet? Could this year please be over??? This was hands down the hardest year of my life. Not the worst or most devastating, but definitely the most tiring and heart breaking. I feel like I've been climbing uphill with the weight of the world on my shoulders for ages.