Narrowing the field
When I was younger I was evil. I was hard. I didn't give a fuck about anyone or anything....except Andrea & Michelle...and even they got the shaft if it best suited me.
Then, things really began to matter. How the things I said made other people feel, whether or not I had hurt someone...guilt set in hardcore. I think I am going to blame it on the large amount of e that I did in 1998/1999....yup - that's definitely it. And then I got pregnant, which makes people all fucking sensitive anyway....and then I had nevin, who definitely softened me down to the very core....and the relationships that I had with people went from being very surface to very deep. Sure, this meant that I was generally surrounded by less people but it meant significantly more.
Well, I'm tired of getting my fucking feelings hurt. It sucks. It's apparent that, quite frankly, there aren't many people out there who deserve to know that part of me. Those of you who do, you know who you are....especially those ones who I may not get to talk to very often, but always find me when I'm in my dark hours. You guys are the best and I love you...Michelle, Jackie, Hector, Roy, Tyler, Dana, Irina, Sho, deAnne, ....you guys are forever and I love you SOOO much...all these years and, when we talk, it's like nothing between us has ever changed or been distant. Nicci, Chan, Mack, Jen, Macewan - you guys know how to cheer a girl up like nobody's business and have been there for me through a really tough year. Thanks. Hopefully, we will just get closer and closer as time goes on. Kate, Stephen, Jaime - I'm so glad we found each other again. I've missed you so! Ritta - you're a diamond in the rough, honey - and while I haven't been in touch enough, I can't wait for us to get together and really dish. :) Some of the others have potential...and I hope that potential will lead us to the next level, where acquaintances become friends and friends become friends for life....but some of you are just surface, and it's obvious...and if you're okay with that, I'm okay with that, so long as you don't expect too much. Expectations are harmful anyway.
I think, right now, my ability to trust people is being tested. So, all apologies if I'm not up for the b.s. right now....I've got more important things to tend to.
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By the way - for those of you who don't already know, this was all prompted by the fact that, once again, Jeff didn't come through. Jeff failed me and quit paying child support and, at the last minute, I am cancelling my move to Los Angeles...I don't get to go home. Of all the people I've ever had faith in...he was #1. And of all the people who have failed me over and over, he has done it the worst.
Then, things really began to matter. How the things I said made other people feel, whether or not I had hurt someone...guilt set in hardcore. I think I am going to blame it on the large amount of e that I did in 1998/1999....yup - that's definitely it. And then I got pregnant, which makes people all fucking sensitive anyway....and then I had nevin, who definitely softened me down to the very core....and the relationships that I had with people went from being very surface to very deep. Sure, this meant that I was generally surrounded by less people but it meant significantly more.
Well, I'm tired of getting my fucking feelings hurt. It sucks. It's apparent that, quite frankly, there aren't many people out there who deserve to know that part of me. Those of you who do, you know who you are....especially those ones who I may not get to talk to very often, but always find me when I'm in my dark hours. You guys are the best and I love you...Michelle, Jackie, Hector, Roy, Tyler, Dana, Irina, Sho, deAnne, ....you guys are forever and I love you SOOO much...all these years and, when we talk, it's like nothing between us has ever changed or been distant. Nicci, Chan, Mack, Jen, Macewan - you guys know how to cheer a girl up like nobody's business and have been there for me through a really tough year. Thanks. Hopefully, we will just get closer and closer as time goes on. Kate, Stephen, Jaime - I'm so glad we found each other again. I've missed you so! Ritta - you're a diamond in the rough, honey - and while I haven't been in touch enough, I can't wait for us to get together and really dish. :) Some of the others have potential...and I hope that potential will lead us to the next level, where acquaintances become friends and friends become friends for life....but some of you are just surface, and it's obvious...and if you're okay with that, I'm okay with that, so long as you don't expect too much. Expectations are harmful anyway.
I think, right now, my ability to trust people is being tested. So, all apologies if I'm not up for the b.s. right now....I've got more important things to tend to.
*****************************
By the way - for those of you who don't already know, this was all prompted by the fact that, once again, Jeff didn't come through. Jeff failed me and quit paying child support and, at the last minute, I am cancelling my move to Los Angeles...I don't get to go home. Of all the people I've ever had faith in...he was #1. And of all the people who have failed me over and over, he has done it the worst.
direct from mrs. hamacek's brain at
12:52 PM
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