I want comfortable silences.

You know, I tried this dating thing again. I guess I have figured out what I really want, and I have also figured out that the boy I am dating lets me talk but doesn't really hear me.

I want a boy who is going to be my best friend. Someone who can come and see me and doesn't have to be cuddled up on me the whole time they are there. Someone who would be quite comfortable sitting on the other end of the couch and occassionally leaning over to tickle me or toss a throw pillow at me or pass the popcorn and think nothing of it....with the occassional cuddling session required, of course.

I want someone who understands the meaning of space. If I have said that I need my space and don't see you for like 10 days, this does not mean that you should be prepared to spend the night when you come over. I mean, really, we haven't even had sex yet - should you come over with any expectations? No. If I tell you that I want to see you, it means that I want to hang out and have good conversation in person, rather than over the phone. And, if I kiss you, you're a damn lucky man.

I guess what people don't understand is that I am a full time single mother. I am going to take things slow - I am going to expect you to just look like my friend if you come to my house, cuz I don't want my son to see me kissing anyone who I'm not in a serious relationship with. In fact, he'll probably be sitting in my lap the whole time he's there because he will be a bit territorial about mom...and that's just something you have to accept and work with. Dating is no longer all about the make out sessions and the sex...although those can be perks when the boy is sleeping. But, yeah, you're still going to have to go home....

Augh. I'm totally frustrated. When you explain what you need to someone and then they come over and do exactly the opposite, that's just the worst.

This IS the best Thanksgiving ever.

So, Ray & Jackie are here. We were up until some time after two last night, listening to music and laughing and catching up. Good times, good times.

And now I am totally looking forward to the rest of today.

I just have this to say: Will, Kyla, Jackie, Ray, Alisa, Nicci....you guys are the best friends that a girl could ever have. Especially a girl who's having the hardest holiday season of her life. I love you guys!!

I guess everyone was right - your friends really do become your family over time.

Love you all and hope you have the best day ever!

always,
Yvette M.

Hitting Stress Maximum

So, Thanksgiving was supposed to be all kick ass and what not, right? Then why am I so freakin' upset.

I'm cleaning my house....cuz it's a wreck. In the process, I broke my toe....so now, running around in circles is actually painful. I can't wear any of my shoes. I'm broke as hell - in a way that I won't even explain cuz it makes me upset. I'm tired. I think I'm getting a cold. I had my son go spend the night at Kyla's again so I could be productive and now I feel guilty.

I think that it is safe to ascertain that Yvette is getting depressed about the holidays. Don't get me wrong - Ray & Jackie are some of the best friends a girl could ever have. But they're not family. Is it so terrible to say that I just want my mother to hug me and tell me that everything is going to be okay? I'm sure I'll survive - but it's really setting in that I don't have a family anymore... we are officially a broken family. No Thanksgiving dinner, no decorating the Christmas tree together, no one will be sneaking up behind me in the kitchen surprising me while I baste the turkey....or helping me peel the boiled eggs for the deviled eggs....or sticking their finger in the mashed potatoes....or pouring me our traditional crown and coke on the afternoon of thanksgiving and sitting on the porch laughing about that first thanksgiving when we didn't defrost the turkey long enough.

Don't get me wrong - I'm not sad that Jeff and I aren't together. We obviously were not meant to be together. But it would be nice to have that again.

There's a lot to be said for falling in love with your best friend.

Then again, when you lose that love, you find you're best friendless too and it's pretty devastating.

I'm going to go steam clean the carpet now and try to make myself feel better.

I can post again!

Who knew?

But really, it's about time. i wanted so much to do some serious writing this weekend, but I couldn't get the post feature to work. However, I did learn last week that reading blogs about yourself on the internet are a bit scary, so I'm just going to post some lyrics instead. :)

There was a major crackdown at work on our internet usage - so I'm going to be making a little time each evening to put stuff in here.

always,
vette

"I was waiting for a cross-town train in the london underground
When it struck me that I've been waiting since birth to find
A love that would look and sound like a movie so I changed
My plans and rented a camera and a van and then I called you
"I need you to pretend that we are in love again" and you agreed to

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
I greased the lens and framed the shot using a friend as my stand-in
The script it called for rain but it was clear that day so we faked it
The marker snapped and I yelled "quiet on the set"
And then called "action!"
And I kissed you in a style that clark gable would have admired
(I thought it classic)

I want so badly to believe that "there is truth, that love is real"
And I want life in every word to the extent that it's absurd
I know you're wise beyond your years, but do you ever get the fear
That your perfect verse is just a lie you tell yourself to help you get by?"

Clark Gable - The Postal Service

It fits in a way most of you dont know about

Yeah, I put a lot of my thoughts on here, but all of the really dark inner workings are on paper....somewhere.


You are a dark writer. A fierce and loyal follower
of Poe and the other gothic authors, you LOVE
to instill a sense of revulsion and somewhat
fear in your readers. You love to poke their
brains with logic dealing with the darker side
of the human mind and character. Truly
surprising and a true individual, you'll do
ANYTHING to create a scene. :)


What's YOUR Writing Style?
brought to you by Quizilla

*whew* a free moment

so, this has been a busy week. spent time with the new boy, spent time with friends, spent time with my son, spent time alone, took care of a lot of business, paid all of my bills, and am totally ready for it to be thanksgiving. I need a 4 day weekend.

Today, I'm just taking it easy. I'm still in my pajamas and my bathrobe and it's 2:30 - I have a nail appointment at 4, then Nicci, Alisa & Will should be over for movies and food and, of course, a glass of wine or two.

*sigh* I'm in a weird place right now. I should be totally ecstatic about the way things are going in my life, but I'm not. I've got great friends, I've got a great job, I'm dating a boy who makes me so happy I can hardly understand it - and I think it's all a bit too much for me. Maybe more than I was ready for. Or maybe sooner than I was expecting it. Or maybe it's just all too much at once. Or maybe I'm just so afraid of how I felt when my whole world fell down that I'm afraid to put myself back out there like that cuz I don't want to ever risk feeling that way again.

But maybe that's mighty ridiculous of me.

I guess my goal is to let myself be happy for a change. To enjoy my life and, should I find someone who wants to enjoy it with me, let them share it with me. Someone who will see my social tendencies and my busy schedule and my extreme independence, and be madly in love with me without ever making me feel smothered or being dependent. Those are the only two things that I can't handle.

See, I started to fall...fast. Had to catch myself - rope myself in a little. I mean, yes, he has qualities that I adore...but he also has qualities that I don't - and things that I could see frustrating me in the future. Where does that leave me? Confused, I guess.

Wish me luck. I could really use some clarity.

always,
miss m

The good times are killing me

I believe that my immune system has gone straight to hell in a handbasket. Between the late nights hanging with the girls, and the late nights hanging out & talking on the phone with a certain boy, I'm seriously run down. Seriously.

So, I wake up this morning and feel like dookie. I can't breathe at all through my nose and I'm all phleghmy. And I have to still go to work and sit through an IT training and a policy meeting, and then go back to the office. Yeah, staying awake today is going to be ROUGH!

Anyone want to go to lunch and eat soup?

Par-tay!

Last night was a freakin' blast.

It all started as a group of friends having a small, mellow get together - and then I took over. Next thing we knew, the stereo was bumping, people were dancing in the living room & on the patio, everyone was laughing and having a blast! The kids were having a sleepover in the boys room, playing superheroes and coming out in costume to amuse us....to quote Dalton (Kyla's 4 year old) "This is my favorite night ever."

Oh yeah, did I mention that 8 people went through 3 cases of beer, 4 bottles of wine, and a bottle of vodka?? Okay, Kyla only had 3 beers - so it was really 7 of us. And, actually, I did in almost all of the wine. 12 glasses. Oops. But I'm a great dj when I'm tipsy. haha

Good times, good times.

I'm not playing>

You know, often I'm accused of being a tease or playing hard to get - more often by females than by males (but that's just cuz they don't have the balls to say it). Hence, I'm writing this to clarify.

I am hard to get.

It's not that I'm a tease, or that I lead people on - I'm fucking picky, that's all. I only accept the best.

I don't accept being put off - or put on, for that matter. I expect a man to treat me with the utmost respect. I expect doors to be opened for me, and my drinks to be paid for. I expect that a man I am interested in will show me that he is interested in me by making an effort to have me in his life. I expect complete & total honesty, open-mindedness, and tolerance - for my flaws and my idiosyncracies. I expect that he will embrace our differences in opinion, whether it's about politics or music or movies, and that he will learn to see things from my angle instead of just his side of the table. I expect that we will learn from each other, influence each other, and create new commonalities that lay a foundation for a wonderful friendship.

Yes, I expect the man I'm with to be my best friend - my listening ear, my shoulder to cry on, my source of unending laughter & happiness, and my partner in crime.

You know what the best part is?

The man I'm with can always expect these things from me. Make a note of it.

kisses,
miss m

Advice, please?!

My son is freaking out. He misses his dad. It's breaking his little heart. He hasn't seen him since father's day - and it doesn't look like his dad's in any hurry to see him anyway.

Nevertheless, I have to figure out how to make him the happy little boy that I love more than anything. I thought that we were on the right track, but it was apparently only temporary, and he's back to throwing fits and freaking out every time his dad doesn't answer the phone, or every time I pick him up at school instead of his dad, or every time I don't let him break a rule that his dad would have.

And today he told me that I'm not his "good mommy" anymore. That hurt.

And worse yet is the fact that I can't do a damn thing about it. I can't make his dad be a part of his life anymore, although I can't understand how he could go from being full time to being absolutely absent. And as hard as I try, I can never be mommy and daddy to him. He does better when he's got a positive male role model in his life, but there isn't an abundance of that floating around Reno. He doesn't spend enough time with Will, and my friend Ray (who is great with him) still lives in Los Angeles (he'll be here for the holidays though - yay!).

He loved Matt - but I wish he hadn't. Matt and I had the potential to have something beautiful, but Matt just wasn't ready. And, unfortunately, Nevin ended up caring about Matt just as much as I did, and seeing us split up really hurt him. He still asks if we're going to see Matt sometimes - and I really wish that Matt and I could be friends so he could still be around but, honestly, Nevin is a large portion of the reason things never could have worked out between us anyway.

Anyone out there in the cyberworld got any advice about little boys without daddys? My parents have been together for 33 years....I'm clueless.

My food was sending me a message

So, we all know that there's the John 3:16 message on In-n-Out soda cups. However, there has always been a Proverbs 3:5 on my milkshake and Nahum 1:7 on my burger...so it was time to look them up, dammit, and find out what In-n-Out has been trying to say to me all these years. This is what I found:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." - Proverbs 3:5

"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble." - Nahum 1:7

Speaking of Nahum, I just discovered that this entire book of the bible takes up 1 page. Wow. Apparently Nahum didn't have much to say.

Anywho, the next time you're mawing on an animal style cheeseburger, you'll know what the bible verse on the bottom means. Yup, yup. Somehow, I feel so much better informed.

Today freakin' ruled!!!!

So, I was in bed at 11 last night. How proud of myself am I for going to bed so early? Then I got up at 7 and got Nevin & Dalton (his brotha from anotha motha) ready for school and then had breakfast & went back to bed. I intended to sleep for another hour...but then I woke up, and it was 1:00!! Yipes! So, there went my great plans for my ultra productive day. All I have to say is this: Oh well.

I got up at 1, watched shows on VH1 and E! simultaneously and then ripped into the tornado damaged haven known as "Nevin's Room". Yup, I threw a bunch of his stuff away - he doesn't play with it anyway....and the room looks SO much better.

And that's when it hit me: I need an In-n-Out burger. Double Double Animal Style, please!! With a chocolate milkshake, of course.

Yup, my day is made.

Still Life Projector

You will listen and you will love them - especially Wearing Me Out. I tried to download wearing me out of purevolume.com and ended up with a song by them that is totally my favorite, but that is only titled "track 01". Guess I'll just have to buy the CD.

We've got to stop meeting like this

Dear Friends,

I am a cell phone abuser. I am, I am. In fact, I still have 3 days left in my plan and I have managed to use 1,454 anytime minutes and 2,888 night & weekend minutes - totaling 4,342 minutes for the last 30 days.

Quite frankly, I'm confused by the fact that I have found 72.37 hours to speak with all of you on the phone. Yes, I do realize that some of these conversations have included me losing sleep, driving to other states, and several entire lunchbreaks, however....it has got to stop.

The plan for the future is this: If you live in town, you are going to be calling me less often. Call me and tell me that you're coming over or invite me over. Then, we can talk for hours and hours once one of us has arrived safely at the other's abode.

I mean, I have the Sprint PCS fair & flexible plan, but this is getting ridiculous. I should be averaging 700-1000 anytime minutes, not 1500 - especially since my nights and weekends start at 7. This month, my cell phone bill is going to be around $95. Ouch. I try to keep it $20 under that....which is the dollar equivalent of 400 minutes (hence, I can speak for 1100 and still not bitch).

I know I'm making good money right now, but Christmas is coming, and I just can't afford to talk to all of you anymore. Especially since I decided to buy Nevin a $300 puppy.

Thank you and have a nice day. Call me after 7.

My love always,
Miss M

There oughtta be a law

If you go home for lunch, and you catch Rainman from the VERY beginning, you shouldn't have to go back to work until it's over, as opposed to realize you have to leave when the movie goes to commercial right after Tom Cruise finds out he has a brother. That is all.

Smoking is Gross

Yeah, I smoke when I go out....and, in Nevada, that's perfectly acceptable, since you'll leave the club/bar/restaurant smelling like other people's smoke anyway. However, I have decided that it is the only appropriate place for people to smoke...ever.

When someone walks up to your desk to ask you a question and they wreak like Winston's, it's stomach turning. Or when you have to sit next to someone in a meeting who reeks of Marlboro Menthol, it makes you want to hurl and gives you a headache. People who smoke should have to sit by themselves outside until they have completely aired out. Yuck.

Jeff used to smoke. I never wanted to cuddle with him in the evenings until after he showered and brushed his teeth. Perhaps his smoking aided the decline of our relationship since I lost interest in being affectionate due to nausea from his Marlboro Medium smoke. Bah.

I spend entirely too much time thinking.

I believe that I am a straightforward kind of person. I mean, honestly, I am one of the most real people that you will ever meet. I'm kind, considerate, loyal to a fault, and honest to the nth degree. I will never tell you something that is untrue because it is what you want to hear. It's just not my style.

Likewise, in relationships, I appreciate someone who is the same with me. Directness and realism intrigue me more than any big stories or ego stroking moments ever could.

Show me your vulnerabilities - show me your weaknesses - show me your flaws.

Don't people realize that it's the human qualities that people fall in love with, not superhuman perfections? For the first time in years, I'm not looking for someone who is in love with themself - but someone who is falling in love with me. That, my friend, would be a dream come true.

Stress Maximus

Warning: I am about to do some serious venting. If you don't want to read it, you should scroll past it immediately.

Okay - so, first off - I have yet to receive the $250 from Nevin's old daycare and it had been two weeks. TWO WEEKS and they haven't given me back my fucking money. Bastards.

So, of course, the fact that I paid $250 that I wasn't planning on has jacked my budget....and then Nevin gets sick. His doctor cut me a break and didn't make me bring him into the office - cuz pink eye is the easiest thing in the world to diagnose. But do you know how much they charged me for his antibiotic eye drops? $64.99, baby. Welcome to life without health insurance. I can't wait until I've got my 90 days in.

And work had me pissy all day anyway. The morning started, and everything was going according to schedule....and I had compiled 45 of the 60 116-page agendas with attachments that needed to be sent out. And then the chairman called at 10:30 and "pared down" the agenda. This, of course, meant that all of the agenda items had new numeric designations and the entire fucking thing had to be redone. And, of course, the deadline for everything to be picked up by the County mailroom is 12:00...and the agendas were finally done being compiled and rebuilt at 1:30.

By then, hypoglycemia was setting in and I was dizzy....and then I had to go to the pharmacy and fight with them because they "couldn't find" Nevin's prescription. So, I called the doctor, who said it had been called in hours ago, so they called the pharmacy and chewed them out, so then they called me back to apologize for their oversight and said that the prescription was ready...and then the doctor called to make sure that the pharmacy had called to clarify the situation and apologize for their incompetence....but by then it was time to go back to work.

*sigh* Can I please start today over?

Better yet, could someone just bring me a bottle of Black Swan or Yellowtail Chardonnay???? I really need some Chardonnay...

Mr. Pink Eye

No, not the song by the Cure - my son, darn it. He's got it - and now I'm afraid. Seriously, my eyes have been burning all day just wondering if I've got pink eye. I am nearly 27 and have managed to avoid it my entire life - let's not start catching contagious childhood disease now, kay?

Wow - now they're watering. But they're not all swollen and gooey and barely openable like Nevin's, so I must be okay, right?

gah.

I'm telling y'all, it's sabotage!

I'm being a pain in the ass. I really am. Although I'm not sure why. Fact is, there is this guy who I'm incredibly attracted to...haven't met him in person, but emailed and talked on the phone quite a bit.

Anywho, I was talking to him last night and I just got freaking annoyed. Now, I know I'm under a wee bit of stress right now (totally induced by my insane spending habits borne from the sadness of our first holidays without a family) but I'm not sure that was entirely it. Ordinarily, I enjoy banter - and talking smack and being a little competitive ...but not last night. I guess he just doesn't know me well enough to know when I'm not in the mood - and I was trying to be nice, so I didn't say anything, but I was incredibly irritated.

Fact is, even for all the shit I talk some days, I am one of the most open minded people you'll ever meet. Sure, I've got my own opinions about things - but if you don't agree, I'm okay with that. I mean, one of Kyla's favorite bands is Pantera - not my style, but I would never call it crap just because it wasn't my style. All music is good. And when someone says I haven't been to as many shows as they have and I say "No, I probably have", it's generally best to trust me on it, as opposed to trying to make yourself sound good.

Simple fact - I don't need to be impressed. I was apparently sufficiently impressed or I never would have let some guy from the internet have my phone number. I will remain impressed as long as he continues to be the incredibly sweet, intelligent boy who I've been talking to. I will totally lose interest and walk away if he feels the need to talk himself up all the time. I generally think that people who think that they're better than other people are a turn off.

And, truth be known, I'd really like to remain impressed. Perhaps today the lines of communication will be clearer. *fingers crossed*

Besides, I'm sure I'm just overreacting and freaking out because I actually like a guy who's attainable. I have a knack for subconsciously sabotaging things I'm afraid of....although I don't want to be afraid right now. Wish me luck, kay?

I love Death Cab, I do

I have serious reservations about whether or not the vocals were tracked last night, cuz they were way too clear...and cuz the lead singer wandered off stage during Transatlanticism and was still "singing". Hmmmm....but I still love them. However, I told someone yesterday that this song was about them....and I don't even think he knows the words....so here's something for your reading enjoyment:

This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me

I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
and she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me
Yeah, she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me

I wanted to believe in all the words that I was speaking
as we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that I was telling
all the playful mispellings
and every bite I gave that left a mark
As Tiny Vessels oozed into the neck and formed the bruises
that you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did I that day

All I see are dark grey clouds
in the distance moving closer every hour
so when you'd ask, Is something wrong?
I'd think, You're damn right there is, but we can't talk about it now
No, we can't talk about it now

So one last touch and then we'll go
and we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
but it was vile and it was cheap
and you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah, you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah, you are beautiful, but you don't mean a thing to me

Tiny Vessels - Death Cab for Cutie

And then sadness sets in....

Augh! Favorite earrings - 1 missing. They were these earring that I got for the cure show. Most people who know me know that I have slightly goth tendencies - my face is generally pale, my hair is naturally dark, my eyebrows are beautifully curve, I wear bad ass shoes, I only wear red lipstick, I wear black or red every day, and I've got a beautiful stone ankh with scroll work tattooed around my ankle. So, I got these earrings that no one at work would really notice, but that were just a bit outside of your average white collar suit attire - they were these silver circles with x's in them, with the rest blackened in. And, suddenly, when I'm messing with my hair to leave for tower, I notice that the one in my right ear is gone. I'm making Kyla search her car. God dammit. Either that or I'll just go buy some new ones. There goes that money saving option. haha

I gotta say, today was a good day

I know - it's only 3:00 - but it's been so good. It definitely started at midnight, when I ended up on the phone with a certain someone who I've been wanting to talk to (yay) and didn't get off the phone until after 4 a.m. and then, of course, I had to quickly reply to some myspace messages, read some comments that Kyla left for me, and pass the fuck out. Next thing I knew, Nevin was running in from the living room to tell me something about the cartoon that he was watching...and I rolled over to look at the clock and realized that my lovely little man had let me sleep until after 9. Yay!! So, he went back to his morning cartoons and I layed back down to nap some more...and then the phone rang.

Kyla's son had a football game this morning. Sweet! So, I went ahead and got up and took a quickie shower, threw on a pair of Kyla's jeans that made me look remarkably skinny! But then, the stretchy material got all stretched from sitting on the bleachers at the game and now they're totally falling off my ass. ;) Five words: Just say no to crack.

Anywho, I'm looking like some kind of a soccer mom, and Kyla's looking like a little rocker girl and all was well. So, we went to baja fresh and took the kids for happy meals and then silence set in. hahaha

Now that Nevin's rested, I'm going to tower to buy Death Cab for Cutie. They're going to be here tomorrow and I left their CD in NorCal the last time I was there, so I've got to get a new one. Then I've got to go to old Navy and buy some of these jeans....and maybe score a new pair of shoes. Woo! And swing by the JC Penney outlet to get Nevin some fun winter wear.

Anywho - I'm off. :) Next order of business: trying not to get drastic with the plastic. haha

xoxox
much love,
Miss M

By the way....shhhh...I have a crush...I think

I believe I'm finding myself a wee bit twitterpated....and it's kind of making me nervous. Not because I'm crushing on someone, but because I'm crushing on someone I don't really know.

Yes, this crush is the direct result of communication via the MySpace network.

I don't know what I think of that. I mean, honestly, the guy seemed intersting so I sent a message...and then the reply...and the reply to the reply...and then my curiosity was somehow piqued...and then the flirting commence. *sigh* At least from the emails, he appears to have a great sense of humor and a sharp mind...and he's got a kid so it's not like he won't understand the busy lifestyle that I lead, being a single parent and all. And he's got a shitty ex (don't we all) who makes things difficult for him. And he seems so genuine....

So, I finally gave him my phone number....and now I'm all kinds of anxious.

I mean, seriously, how strange will it be if he calls? To finally talk to someone I really want to talk to and yet whose voice I don't recognize? To have that mixed moment of familiarity and yet experience something completely brand new? I just can't even fathom it. It seems as though the initial moment of realization would be almost surreal.

And then there's the question of meeting in person. I mean, yeah, there's pictures - but do pictures show the truth or what you want them to? We generally post the most flattering pictures of ourselves....although I wouldn't say mine are. I'm pretty goofy - and I let that show. I'm pretty comfortable in my own skin - not to say that I don't have my little insecurities, but I'm generally not afraid of them.

And do you hug them hello like you want to? Or just kind of wave and get all shy. I know, I'm generally not they shy type...unless I'm genuinely interested in someone...and then I get a wee bit bashful. Honestly, I get twitterpated. I am Thumper, dammit, and it's so cute! hahahah

Okay, I'm done embarassing myself. I've got to get some sleep.

I'm honestly blushing as I type this. This crush thing is still all new to me....having been out of that whole scene for over 5 years. Wow. Different.

Nevin had a sleep over

This one did not go as well as the last.

Here is the list of things I have had to scrub out of my barely 2 month old carpet:

- ketchup (4 different places)
- tropicana twister
- cheese from macaroni & cheese (2 places)
- apple juice
- mud

I so need to steam clean this weekend.

...as I put my foot in my mouth

So, here I am raving about my son and his little friend being so good and having so much fun....and only seconds later I'm cleaning ketchup out of my off-white carpet. haha....the irony.

Kids are the coolest

That's all I have to say for today. Whenever the cold weather and our first lonely holidays starts to get me down - Nevin makes me smile way down deep inside in a place in my heart that never gets cold. *hug*

Good Morning, Sunshine!

That was wishful thinking. I should have said: Good Morning, Snowdrifts and Icy Streets. Yup, everything is all white outside. And you call know what my California veins think about that, right? haha Yeah, my blood's running a little thick today. Where's a good beach day when you need one??

I talked to some friends in So Cal who said that people were more likely to be running their a/c this last week than their heaters. Yup - I'm officially envious. GREEN. That's okay, just wait for Thanksgiving. hehehe

Yes, I have decided to host a "people I'm really thankful for" Thanksgiving. I can't be with my family cuz it would take hours to drive over the pass and, quite frankly, I don't like driving on chains over icy passes. So, instead, I'm hosting a gathering of old and new friends whom I love. So far, I've got 2 friends flying in from the OC, Nicci, and Kyla and her two kids. Possibly a couple others - but I guess we shall just have to wait and see.

You know, the Holidays this year were just going to be a bit too hard for me to get through without my friends. Honestly. I mean, this is Nevin and I's first holiday season without his dad around - last year, we reconciled on Christmas...until he moved out on Valentine's Day. Ass. Granted, he attempted to invite himself up for Thanksgiving, but I'm not really thankful for him this year and asked him not to come. He got mad, and he threw a big fit, but he'll get over it. What he doesn't understand is that Nevin doesn't see Thanksgiving as some big holiday yet - it's just another day when Mommy cooks lots of food. I kind of have to let him come up for Christmas though. None of my friends will hang out when he's around, to avoid accidentally giving him a piece of their minds, so it looks like Christmas is going to be pretty lonely.

Are the holidays always this somber when you don't have someone to share them with? Do you always have to plan like this so you don't feel quite so alone? I love Nevin with all my heart - I do - but there's just something different about sharing them with someone who you want to grow old with. Someone who's going to love seeing your little boy's face light up on Christmas morning just as much as you do. And there is a certain warmth that comes from making that big dinner for your FAMILY...people who love you unconditionally, and are with you because there's no place that they'd rather be.

Yeah, the three of us being together for Christmas is going to be a difficult occasion. But, I guess, if we've got a son together, we're going to have to get used to being a part of each other's lives....even if we're not together...and don't ever want to be.

It's funny - for a while I had looked forward to us just being good friends again. But then reality set in. Yeah, we're hardly friends at all. *sigh*

Anywho, enough dwelling. How did I get on that subject anyway? I've got to get in the shower - I'm going to get ready for my Senior Staff meeting now. Yowsa! It's so interesting to be a part of those meetings that you always wondered about. ;)

Hope all of you are having an absolutely wonderful day.

always,
Yvette

You want a ....what?

My son is freaking me out. He keeps telling me that he wants a brother. And I'll I'm thinking is I'm still kind of afraid of dating and you want me to get married and give you a brother??? Wowser. I'm going to try to avoid that topic.

I'm going to get political for a moment.

You know what irks me about people who get all political? A lot of them are too emotional about the whole damn thing to be objective about what they're voting for anyway.

Yesterday, someone who I consider a friend put up a bulletin on myspace called "Literates for Kerry" referring to the fact that most conservatives use bad grammar, can't spell, and continually prove themselves to be lingually challenged.

I have three words in reponse: I'm a Republican.

I know - boo...hiss...yeah, yeah....I've got my reasons - they're selfish but, afterall, I'm a single mother looking out for me & my child - and if that means that I'm turning down social programs and national healthcare to continue enjoying tax relief for parents and continue to reap the beauty that is my government benefits (if you know about the PERS system, you understand) well...so be it. Sorry folks, but it's the truth. Registered when I was 18.

By the same token, there are many republicans who talk bad about liberals and lump them into a rather undesirable stereotype. Why is that necessary? Isn't everyone allowed to have their own opinion? Can't you just agree to disagree? I have a pretty small circle of friends that I am close with - 10 people who I talk to ALL the time. Of that group, 7 of them are hardcore Kerry supporters, leaving those of us who were young republicans in college MUCH in the minority. Does that mean I should talk smack about them? Absolutely not - in fact, I'm still encouraging all of my friends to go and vote.

It amazes me that some people can be so narrowminded. Everyone is different. Everyone has different priorities and values and hopes for the future. That doesn't make them wrong or unintelligent....it just makes them different. In a country as great as this, it's a wonder that people haven't learned to accept differences yet. It's a wonder that people can still be so biased and small.

Good grief

Jeff just called to come with an excuse for why he might not make it up to see his son for Christmas. He apparently wrecked his car - although he's saying that he got hit by an uninsured motorist and it wasn't his falt. Yeah, I've heard that before.

Regardless, he's using this as an excuse. Tell me that it's not more expensive to drive from Santa Ana, CA to Reno, NV than it is to buy a $49 each way ticket on Southwest!?! If you're just not man enough to come and see your son for the holidays, you should just say so. Or, if you're strung out on meth, just be honest about it - don't make excuses for why you can't come.

GAH! My son just deserves so much better than his dad is willing to offer him. It just kills me inside to know what a hole he's left behind. It's one thing to never be there for your kid, but to be there and then just disappear....that's a whole new kind of wrong. I just can't even begin to understand it.

Okay, I've vented. Thanks for taking the time to read my pissing and moaning. My good mood will be back in a minute - Nevin's watching Short Circuit which means that we get to dance to some El DeBarge. Woo!

Want to see something funny?

The title is a link to my MySpace profile - My dorkiness is starting to show. Click here for a good laugh and to see some more pictures. More pictures are good - since I can only link so much stuff from my photobucket album. :)

Happy Monday

Okay, I am so blessed right now. Beyond words, really.

Today, I got the news that there is a retroactive 2.5% COLA (cost of living adjustment, for those not in the know), so I will be getting a raise - ALREADY - that will bump me up another $1000 a year. I know that's not much to a lot of people, but to a single mom, it's one of the biggest blessings ever. That's me being able to afford to do nice things for my son....and not just on holidays.

And things at work get better and better. And my son's first official full day at his new school went marvelously well, even in spite of the fact that his best friend stayed home today. And he was so happy, it made me well up a little. It's like everything that had unraveled is falling into place right before my very eyes.

Beware - when I'm giddy - my inner dork reveals itself. I mean, yes, the fact that I sit around and tweak on html code for fun is dorky enough - but my true major dorkness lies is the pure cheese that falls out of my mouth and causes me to have giggle fits that last for hours.

Giggling is refreshing....did you know that?