Accepting the things I cannot change
No, I'm not in a 12-step program or anything, but they've certainly hit on a good point here. So, here's a couple of things that I can't change that I'm not going to dwell on anymore:
*Matt, you're an amazing person and I miss you terribly. While I believe that our falling out was more misunderstanding than anything (from what I remember cuz, honestly, I don't remember much of what happened in your car), I realize that I cannot hold myself responsible for some mistake that I don't even remember making. And while I had hoped that you would take the time to tell me why you were upset so that we could talk it over, I am accepting the fact that you aren't going to and that is that. I wish you the best, my friend, and hope that you find the happiness that you are looking for. If you ever need ANYTHING, know that I will always be here for you. Seriously.
*My dad has made a decision that I'm not too happy with. He believes it's "teaching me a lesson" but I believe it's his way of not believing in me. After all these years, I have to accept that my dad has never thought too much of me and that I will always live in the shadow of my psychotic older half sister. I guess I'm accepting that the mistakes she makes have hurt him in such a way that he does not believe that the rest of us can do any better. I can't change that....so I'm letting it die and generally ignoring anything that comes out of his mouth these days.
*I'm accepting that, on account of the decisions that my dad has made, it may take me longer than a year to get out of Reno.
*I'm accepting that, while my closest friends aren't here, they're still the best friends I will ever have. I have new friends that I love, and some that I've even become quite close to, but I will never have in Reno what I have always had at home. I am just going to have to accept that and finish out my time here.
I'm starting a new chapter, kids. I don't know what will happen from here but I'm not looking back anymore. I've learned. I've grown. I'm moving the fuck on.
*Matt, you're an amazing person and I miss you terribly. While I believe that our falling out was more misunderstanding than anything (from what I remember cuz, honestly, I don't remember much of what happened in your car), I realize that I cannot hold myself responsible for some mistake that I don't even remember making. And while I had hoped that you would take the time to tell me why you were upset so that we could talk it over, I am accepting the fact that you aren't going to and that is that. I wish you the best, my friend, and hope that you find the happiness that you are looking for. If you ever need ANYTHING, know that I will always be here for you. Seriously.
*My dad has made a decision that I'm not too happy with. He believes it's "teaching me a lesson" but I believe it's his way of not believing in me. After all these years, I have to accept that my dad has never thought too much of me and that I will always live in the shadow of my psychotic older half sister. I guess I'm accepting that the mistakes she makes have hurt him in such a way that he does not believe that the rest of us can do any better. I can't change that....so I'm letting it die and generally ignoring anything that comes out of his mouth these days.
*I'm accepting that, on account of the decisions that my dad has made, it may take me longer than a year to get out of Reno.
*I'm accepting that, while my closest friends aren't here, they're still the best friends I will ever have. I have new friends that I love, and some that I've even become quite close to, but I will never have in Reno what I have always had at home. I am just going to have to accept that and finish out my time here.
I'm starting a new chapter, kids. I don't know what will happen from here but I'm not looking back anymore. I've learned. I've grown. I'm moving the fuck on.
direct from mrs. hamacek's brain at
9:17 AM
3 Thoughts:
Hi Yvette. Just saying Hi really, not been around in a while.
I didn't know, due to my absence that you were getting out of Reno..come on over to Illinois..we are nice and friendly here :-)
Thoughts by
Gordy, at 3:48 PM
Most everyone has a place that they call home, where they're comfortable, can recharge themselves, and all that. A lot of the time, people don't find it right away, though. I've always wondered why - I think home is a place that you have to earn. That's my suspicion, anyways.
People often want to return to where their best times occured to escape their worst times. Trouble is, you don't usually get those times back. Living in Reno was a very different experience before I moved to Boise and got married than it was afterwards. At first, it seemed much worse. Now, I know it was just different - not what I lost by moving to Boise and getting married prematurely, but something that has proven, after a while, to be equally positive for me. I'm not sure what this means... maybe it means that, if you're moving out of Reno to recapture something from a former life, you're probably going to fail, but that's not necessarily a bad thing.
Yeah, that sounds profound. I'm sticking with it.
Thoughts by
D. Colborne, at 6:06 PM
Gordy - thanks for the invite but, as much as I LOVE Chicago (fave city, hands down), I LOATHE cold weather...and thus, it's not really an option.
and Mr. D - Santa Cruz is my happy medium. Were I trying to regain the happiest moments of my life, I'd be moving to Venice Beach. But, realistically, I know that my life in Southern California with all of my friends and the clubs and the shopping and the adventure....well, it was fun when I was younger and free...but now I've got Nev and it's just not conducive to good parenting. I mean, spending $10 for one drink at the velvet margarita is something I can only afford to do once in a blue moon. If I wasn't so addicted to the finer things in life (which LA has plenty of to offer), maybe it would work out better.
Quite the contrary, Santa Cruz feels like home for a number of reasons. Obviously, it's where I was born. But I have a lot of family in the area which would give Nevin and I a support system that we don't have here. Plus, the weather is effin' PERFECT (by my standards) and I'll have back my peaceful muse - the ocean. It's odd, but 30 minutes sitting on a lifeguard stand at the beach can repair 5 years of stress and tight muscles for me. There's something about the way that it fills me up when I breathe it in that clears my head and renews me. It's hard to explain, really. Science says it's the number of negative ions vs. positive ions...or some shit like that, but I think it's more related to habits I developed during some very hard times in my life.
It's my peaceful place...which is something that I haven't found here. The lake just isn't the same. :)
Thoughts by
miss m., at 7:10 PM
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