In a state of decompression
This last month has been crazy. Not just for me - but for all of my friends too. One good friend and her man got back together and put things on the best note ever. Another close friend and her man split up for good and she's regaining her freedom. I decided who I really valued and trusted as a friend and who I didn't...and I asked Jeff to please leave our son alone since he can't be consistent or keep his promises....not that he needed anyone to ask him to leave Nevin alone, right? ;) Heck, even things at work have changed a lot. I've got a newfound respect for my abilities in that office, especially after the amazing VPN stunt I pulled last week. I think that, when most people hire Executive Secretaries, they assume that you can type fast and have great grammar and good public skills...they don't necessarily assume that you could build your own computer, let alone network.
Anyway, things are changing ...A LOT. And, in some ways, I really like it.
Honestly, I'm already counting the days until next June. Nevin graduates from Kindergarten and then it's on to bigger and better things. I've already talked to him about the move and he is really excited. He loves the prospect of being close to family. It's been a long time since we've had family around. Seriously, my favorite uncle is there, a handful of cousins, my other aunts & uncles are across the bay...hell, even my little sister.
As I explained before, I'll never feel happy here because I feel as though I got marooned here. Like I was dropped off in the middle of the desert to find myself. Well, that mission has been accomplished. I have learned more about myself and life in the last 2 1/2 years than I ever would have imagined. I've grown volumes. But I'm ready to take that step to establish myself somewhere that I want to be. Somewhere that is going to feel like home. Somewhere that Nevin and I are starting a life all our own that was never tainted by Jeff and I's torrid and mentally exhausting relationship. Somewhere that I won't have to run into his friends. Somewhere that I won't think about him when I go certain places. Somewhere the Nevin won't drive through and say "me and my daddy went there when he came to visit, remember?" We're making a clean break. It's just about the two of us now.
Who knows, someday, Jeff may get cleaned up and may hold a job again and may be a valuable member of society again....and when he does, I'm sure he'll try to reach Nevin. And then Nevin can decide for himself whether or not he wants Jeff to be a part of his life. But, until then, I think that we both know that it's best that Nevin's not around him. Nevin deserves so much better.
You know, it's so great to have something to look forward to again. But, just to warn all of you, I'm on a super tight budget now - you know, so that I can pay off all of my credit cards AND save up some cash before I move next summer. So, if you ask me to hang and I say no...well, don't take it personal - I've just got some big stuff to take care of to make my dreams come true. I still love you all, I swear it.
*muah*
Anyway, things are changing ...A LOT. And, in some ways, I really like it.
Honestly, I'm already counting the days until next June. Nevin graduates from Kindergarten and then it's on to bigger and better things. I've already talked to him about the move and he is really excited. He loves the prospect of being close to family. It's been a long time since we've had family around. Seriously, my favorite uncle is there, a handful of cousins, my other aunts & uncles are across the bay...hell, even my little sister.
As I explained before, I'll never feel happy here because I feel as though I got marooned here. Like I was dropped off in the middle of the desert to find myself. Well, that mission has been accomplished. I have learned more about myself and life in the last 2 1/2 years than I ever would have imagined. I've grown volumes. But I'm ready to take that step to establish myself somewhere that I want to be. Somewhere that is going to feel like home. Somewhere that Nevin and I are starting a life all our own that was never tainted by Jeff and I's torrid and mentally exhausting relationship. Somewhere that I won't have to run into his friends. Somewhere that I won't think about him when I go certain places. Somewhere the Nevin won't drive through and say "me and my daddy went there when he came to visit, remember?" We're making a clean break. It's just about the two of us now.
Who knows, someday, Jeff may get cleaned up and may hold a job again and may be a valuable member of society again....and when he does, I'm sure he'll try to reach Nevin. And then Nevin can decide for himself whether or not he wants Jeff to be a part of his life. But, until then, I think that we both know that it's best that Nevin's not around him. Nevin deserves so much better.
You know, it's so great to have something to look forward to again. But, just to warn all of you, I'm on a super tight budget now - you know, so that I can pay off all of my credit cards AND save up some cash before I move next summer. So, if you ask me to hang and I say no...well, don't take it personal - I've just got some big stuff to take care of to make my dreams come true. I still love you all, I swear it.
*muah*
direct from mrs. hamacek's brain at
11:19 PM
3 Thoughts:
I don't like Jeff.
Am I the got back togetherer that you speak of?
Thoughts by
done, at 2:41 PM
Who else is the good friend getting close to her man? *grin*
Back to Yvette... honestly, I know what you mean, though Reno was not that place to me. That might seem strange since this is where I went through the divorce, but this place has, since I started college, always been home to me. Yes, I was raised in SoCal, but I was miserable there. Yes, I went to high school in Pahrump, but I was mostly miserable there, too. In fact, Pahrump was the desert town I began to find myself in. Reno is where I've discovered myself fully. Boise... well, Boise was an exercise in discovering exactly who I wasn't. Enough of that.
I'm sorry to hear that Nevin's dad is useless. Though I don't spend as much time with my son as I should, I do try to do right by him, and it hurts when I hear there are fathers out there that don't. As a precaution, though, my mom made it a point to distance me from my dad, even telling lies about him to me (e.g. that he raped her, among other things). The end result is that, once I turned 18 and finally started getting the truth from both sides of the family, I became closer to my dad and distanced myself from my mom. I know you wouldn't lie to Nevin, and by the sound of things, you wouldn't have to, but be careful... if you don't handle it right, you could end up losing your son in the long run.
Thoughts by
D. Colborne, at 7:48 PM
So far, my excuse for nevin's dad is that "he is making bad choices in his life right now and that's why we don't hear from him anymore...but he still loves you." I'm sure you love your mother, but what she did to you was just dirty. Jeff is not a bad person - Jeff just makes bad decisions that leave him in even worse situations. I will never try to keep Nevin from wanting to have a relationship with his father - but I hope that, when he's older, he can look at the situation objectively enough to enter with caution.
Thanks for the advice though!
Thoughts by
miss m., at 11:58 AM
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