A year in reflection.....

2005 was a bitch, wasn't it? So much changed and morphed and evolved into things that I didn't recognize anymore. I feel like this summer began a whole new chapter in my life. I discovered who my real friends were, and who some of them weren't. I recognized that I didn't have all of these limitations that I had put on myself for so long. I stepped forward into this vast lucid future that made more sense to me than anything had in a long time. And the depression rolled off and the fear washed away and I emerged this new creature - stronger and bolder than ever, ready to take on whatever life may put in front of me.

Who knew that I would have to wait until I was 27 years old to really realize my full potential?

And with that came the most fabulous independence I've ever known. It's just me and Nevin against the world - and it's perfect. I've got a new skin on - and it's made me that much better at protecting him from whatever the universe may throw at us ....whether it's his dad going to jail for Christmas (yes, this really just happened) to me having to work two jobs to put him in private school. We've made it - and we're just moving forward.

I look forward to enjoying 2006 with the truth that I have found this past year. I look forward to enjoying the happiness and freedom that my son and I have made for ourselves and seeing where the year takes us....hopefully, it will include warmer climates. But I am starting to wonder if the universe doesn't have some infinitely bigger plan for me here....

Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Nah, not really.

I've found that I've closed a lot of chapters of yearning in my heart this last year. Old friends, old loves - many things that I had held onto for entirely too long. It was a year of putting closure on things - writing final chapters, recognizing endings, walking away. I'm proud of myself for finally learning how not to dwell on the past and expect it to reflect somehow into my future. My future is better than my past ever could have been.

I'm currently keeping myself very busy - that's why no one has really heard from me. On weekdays I'm still working at the engineering firm and on weekends I serve Teppanyaki at the Ichiban Japanese Steak House. I'm still a single mother...only now I don't have to deal with a ridiculous ex who breaks promises to my son because he has disappeared. I'm happy, I'm losing weight, and I've got a crush on a guy who makes my toes tingle. Life is good - I have nothing to complain about coming into the new year. It's been a long time since I could say that.

To all of my family and friends who have been there: Thank you. I love you. You guys are such a huge part of me and I hope that Monday night reminded all of you of that. Have the best holidays you could ever have and I'm looking forward to next year.

To everyone else: meh. Who else is there?